Who Likes to Pay Bills?

A while ago my answer would have been an enthusiastic "NOT ME!" It's downright stressful to watch my bank balance disappear before my eyes. Not to mention all the guilt feelings that creep in for unnecessary purchases (of course they felt essential at the time). I spend time in my studio every day with my colors and stamps and paint (and glitter) and a ton of other stuff to feed my creative muse. It occurred to me that I could put those colors and stamps to good use and make a painful task into something positive.


You might not believe this but I actually enjoy paying my bills now! My favorite stamp says, "Wishing you a day full of good things." I just purchased another one at Impress in Seattle that I'm eager to use: "Always jump in the puddles." It is a joy to send good wishes to the person on the other end of my payment. Before I started this I was sending my bills out into mailspace and there was no sense of a human being "out there". It makes me happy to think that after opening up hundreds of envelopes someone might feel like smiling for a moment during their day.

Before My Eyes

When sparrows sing, when robins call
With the throb of joy or pain,
Who tenders their feathers when they fall?
Who carries them when they are lame?


Are parent birds forever near?
Do they hear their children's cries?
Will raindrops soothe their stinging tears
When a fledgling falls and dies?


Meredith P. Barrueto
March 24, 1992
After watching a fledgling fall from its nest

I've just about finished an illustration of my mother's poem "Before My Eyes". While I was working on the canvas I was reminded of the Bible verse about sparrows: "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God." (Luke 12:6). The penny referred to in this passage is a tiny copper coin called the assarion. It was probably the least valuable coin the Romans produced, today it might be the equivalent of  a half a cent, maybe a whole penny. The passage continues with a reminder about God's care for each of us: "Indeed the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worthy more than many sparrows."

Tamale as Studio Muse

Meanwhile, my cat Tamale has been diagnosed with kidney disease. Fortunately, it was detected in the early stages but let me tell you, it has caused me some stress. I've had to learn how to administer the feline version of  kidney dialysis treatment in the home (we call it kitty dialysis). I look into his lemon lime eyes and wonder if he's in pain, wonder if he knows that the needle I'm sticking into him is to help him. Then there are the supplements--glucosamine and fish oil--and the prospect of x-rays and acupuncture to help ease the discomfort of an arthritic elbow (do cats even have elbows?). I have fretted over converting these kitties from dry food to wet, which it turns out is much better for cats and especially for cat kidneys (dry food dehydrates). But they don't seem to understand that. I have bowls of water scattered throughout the house to make sure Tamale gets plenty of fresh water. All of this is not cheap - not that I'm complaining but there are people without health insurance who can't afford their monthly meds and I'm contemplating acupuncture for my cat? In the midst of it all I found myself comforted by the verse about the sparrows in an unexpected way. Traditionally it is interpreted as a reminder of how precious each of us is to God but the other day I felt I was being reminded that Tamale is under God's watchful eye as we are and the sparrow that fell out of the tree two decades ago.

I see a my mother's heart in the poem she wrote and know that the same eyes that observed the fledgling sparrow also watched over me and my siblings, Kristin and David, as I grew up. And it is that kind of love that Luke speaks of when he refers to the sparrows; God's mother-heart and watchful eyes care for all of creation, even the tiniest "cheapest" parts.




P.S. The photograph of the sparrow to the right
was taken a month or so ago at the same time as I was working on the canvas. We found it lying on the ground in our yard panting rapidly. Wilder put it up in a tree so it would be safe from the cats and it passed away shortly afterwards. This little sparrow was a special gift of synchronicity.