It's All a Game

Whenever my siblings and I were teasing each other mercilessly or doing something silly (and not much has changed now that we’re middle-agers) my father would say, “It’s all a game.” To him this was a reproach – as if we were wasting time and energy fooling around instead of taking life seriously (which in all honestly is what we were doing). The point was a little lost on me because I never felt I was bad to find a reason to laugh or play. Maybe I had an instinctive sense that I needed a sense of humor to survive, or maybe I sensed that play is one way, maybe the best way, to deal with the seriousness of life.

Magpie Artworks by Cheryl Smith

Lately I’ve felt the pinch of a struggling economy and a variety of financial responsibilities. Fear of losing financial security and guilt about my spending habits have often pulled my spirits down and sucked my energy away. While my wallet has been getting skinnier I’ve tried to be more responsible and make better choices. Just when it feels like I’m starting to make a little progress there’s some mini-crisis that has to be attended to: the tires need to be replaced, the washing machine breaks down or I bang my knee and need to go to the doctor – two steps forward, two steps back. It doesn’t help that this triggers childhood issues of deprivation and scarcity.

Jester Dog by Ed Heck

But I’ve noticed something else is happening in the midst of it all; there’s a little spirit of gamesmanship going on. It’s the challenge of tracking prices and watching for coupons; learning to enjoy using what I have and discovering things I’d forgotten I had. There’s a certain delight about not buying something that I don’t need or postponing the purchase of something that isn’t essential, as if I’ve foiled the spendthrift gremlin. This has gotten me thinking about my father’s words and how they apply to the “game” of life. It reminds me of children and animals at play. This is how they learn the skills of adulthood. Their behavior implies that play is the teacher; it’s the creative seed bed for productive living. If I can hold fear at bay and invite a spirit of play into the ring then I'll not only feel better but will have access to the creative resources that are a part of being human.. Fear paralyzes and blocks creative problem solving and it's no fun. Play is joyful and it's healthier: less fight and flight chemicals are circulating in the body, more endorphins. It opens us up to a well of creativity and inspiration. The jester in literature and theater is often the character that makes people see things from a different perspective, which is exactly what one needs when things look impossible. I am throwing the gauntlet down to myself (can you do that?) and trying out a spirit of play in another area of my life that is causing me some grief -- and there are so many to choose from: relationships, work, body image, health, need I go on? I'll keep you posted.

Harlequin Seated in a Cafe by Picasso

Addendum: My father was a gifted prankster himself (it's all in the genes). His mischief was very clever, creative and never did any harm. My hunch is that even as he frowned on our "games" he was actually enjoying it - he just couldn't let on. Thanks, Dad for your spirit of play.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

One of my favorite things to do over the years has been to attend the Ashland Shakespearean Festival. Dear friends Laura, Linda, Jeantte; theater; restaurant hopping - wonderful! When we weren't having a rousing discussion about the plays, the productions and the actors we'd sometimes talk about the following question: If you could invite someone to dinner from any period in history, who would it be and why. We elaborated on this by dreaming about what we'd serve for dinner or where we'd take them. Of course it's impossible to limit it to one person so we'd up the guest list to three and talk about how these various people might interact with each other. More recently I asked this question at one of my workshops and found the answers to be moving, inspiring and sometimes funny. It was a great way to get a glimpse into each person's uniqueness.

Lately I've been working on a vision statement for my business. It is important to me that everything I do in my work flow from my core self so that it is completely honest. I decided that one way to get to know that deep part of me was to explore who inspires me and why - and since I'm making the rules I decided to invite as many people as I wanted. Below is my shortlist (in random order). I'd enjoy learning who you'd invite to your dinner part. Perhaps you have some favorite recipes, restaurants, or places that you'd use for your guests.

David Whyte - is a poet who uses poetry to bring beauty and soul to the corporate world. He is author of one of my favorite books The Heart Aroused.

Cheryl Richardsonl - is a champion of self-care and a great source of inspiration.

The Dalai Lama - he radiates love, compassion, gentleness and good humor.

Joe Vitale - is a powerhouse of energy and creativity. He is not embarrassed to ask for what he wants and to expect it with openness (rather than entitlement). He manages to have a healthy relationship with the material and spiritual worlds.

Greg Mortensen - his vision transcends cultural, religious and political walls. He has served others by building schools in the mideast for girls under extremely difficult circumstances. He is the author of the book Three Cups of Teaof Tea.

Pat Krishnamurthy - I admire the way she stays connected to her own art while using it to bring meaning to others. I felt her spirit of service when I met her several months ago.

C.G. Jung - I admire his courage to separate from his religious roots and to forge his own connection to the Divine; his courage in bringing man's religious nature into the science of psychology; his courage separating from Freud; and his emphasis on relationship on all levels. I love his ideas on symbolism, synchronicity, dreams and the creative instinct.

Nelson Mandela - I am in awe of his ability to live forgiveness and to bring it to the leadership of a country ruled by prejudice and hatred.  I respect his vision and creativity in reconciling a people divided. One of my favorite movies is about his life after being released from prison: Invictus.

D.W. Winnicott - His book Playing and Reality made a huge impression on me as well as his ideas on play, the true self versus the false self, and holding. His gentle, wise spirit when working with parents and children is very inspirational.

There are countless more people I could mention - and might still but it's a start...